


In Vino Veritas

by hereforthephilindafics



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Blow Jobs in a Car, Drinking, Drunk Kissing, F/M, Public Blow Jobs, Wine, wine drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23568355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereforthephilindafics/pseuds/hereforthephilindafics
Summary: Coulson goes to pick up a drunk May from girls' night.
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40
Collections: MCU Kink Bingo Round 4





	In Vino Veritas

**Author's Note:**

> For the MCU Kink Bingo  
> Square Filled: Trope- In Vino Veritas
> 
> *  
> Yeah, I'm so bad with tittles I didn't even try with this one lol

“Heeeey Coulson! Come to get your girlfriend?” Daisy giggled as she swayed lightly in place.

Coulson smirked as he looked around the dive bar they usually went to when the world wasn’t in a hurry to end. Daisy seemed to be the most coherent one. Jemma was dozing off on Bobbi’s shoulder, who also looked a little bleary eyed but tried to sit up when she saw the Director.

He knew he might be biased but Melinda was the cutest of them, drunk and sleepy. Coulson walked over to the table where she was leaning on her right hand and poked her shoulder lightly.

Melinda jolted like he shocked her. “Wha...what?” She shook her head trying to sober up.

Coulson laughed. “I know you will kick my ass for this later but you’re adorable.”

Melinda turned to him and tried to glare. Her chest was flushed and she hiccupped a few times. She was pink from her cheeks to the tips of her ears.

“You are not...bad yourself,” Melinda said, making grabby hands at him.

Daisy whistled from the bar. Coulson shook his head as he grabbed one of Melinda’s flaling arms before she smacked him in the face.

“Sss warm...” Melinda hummed, laying her head on his chest.

Coulson chuckled. “Okaaaay, let’s get you out before we become the next gossip topic at the Playground.”

“You already are, D.C,” Daisy said, coming back to the table with three more shots.

“How many have you been doing?”

“Don’t worry, boss, Mack is coming to get us.”

“Mack is sooooo tall.” Melinda snorted and tried to stand up, ending up hanging from Coulson’s right shoulder.

He looked down at her and sighed. “How much did you let her drink?”

Daisy raised her eyebrow. “I’m sorry, you just made it sound like I was in charge of telling Melinda May to stop drinking?”

“She only had wine,” Jemma said, stretching.

“How much wine?”

“Three bottles.” Melinda giggled.

Coulson smirked as he watched the three agents on the table look at each other when they heard Melinda giggle.

“Let’s get you out of here before you do more things that will shock our green agents. They are not used to wine-drunk May.”

He wanted to pick her up but decided against it. That might kill Daisy. Coulson made sure Melinda’s arms were tight around his neck and wrapped his right arm around her torso. She was warm and he felt a shiver start at the base of his spine.

“Such a good boyfriend,” Daisy said and giggled, trying to cover her mouth with her right hand.

“Agent Johnson, you’re on latrine duty until further notice.”

“Oh come on!”

“Ladies.” Coulson nodded at Jemma and Bobbi.

He turned his attention to Melinda as they walked. She was all but sleepwalking and Coulson couldn’t help but chuckle at her half-closed eyes. Half of her eyeliner was smeared on her eyelids and his white dress-shirt. Coulson kissed her brow.

“Mmmm...I like it when your lips are soft.”

“Shhh, Mel. We are still inside the bar. Don’t give Daisy more ammunition.”

She stumbled going down the one step in front of the bar and almost took Coulson down with her.

“What happened to the days when you could drink a whole bottle of Haig and still kick ass?” Coulson asked as he straightened both of them.

“Guessss I’m getting old.” Melinda turned in his arms and threw her arms around his neck properly, rubbing against him.

Coulson groaned. “I wish I had recorded that.”

“Wanna record us having sex?”

“Mel!” Coulson looked around him to make sure no one heard.

Melinda laughed. “Come onnnnn! You know you love it!”

Her words were starting to get more and more slurred, but her body had a plan of its own. Coulson tried to keep her at bay, but Melinda’s hands started to wander.

“Ssss good. Nice and firm.”

Coulson couldn’t hold back the groan that rose in his throat.

“Jusssss wanna lick… all of you...”

Coulson laughed. “What are you a cat?”

“Take me home, Phil.”

Melinda all but stomped her feet in the middle of the street and Coulson laughed.

“I’m taking you home and putting you to sleep.”

“Nuh uh.... you can put something else in me though.”

Coulson sighed. “Come on!” He picked her up and threw her over his right shoulder.

“Phil!”

Melinda started laughing and hitting his back. He ignored her until she pinched his ass. Coulson groaned as he lowered her into the passenger seat of the SUV and buckled her in.

“It’s like babysitting.”

Melinda’s hand gripped his belt buckle. “Mmmm... if you unbuckle me, we can just do it in the back seat.”

“Yeah and get charged with indecent exposure.”

Melinda waved her hand in the air. “Daisy can make it disappear.”

Coulson cringed at the idea of ever having to tell Daisy they got caught having sex in public. He batted Melinda’s hand away when she fumbled with the seat belt. She huffed.

“Behave.”

“No!” Melinda leaned against the seat and crossed her arms over her chest, huffing.

Coulson smirked as he started the car and drove off. Melinda’s pouting didn’t last long. Coulson almost crashed the car when he felt her small hand rub his bulge.

“Mel!”

“Mmmm...sss hard. I like it hard.”

Coulson groaned. “I’m not fucking you until you can talk without slurring your words.”

Melinda huffed and sat up in her seat. “You’re such a freaking buzzkill. That’s why you’re Director!”

Coulson stopped at a red light and turned to look at her. Melinda raised her eyebrow at him.

“Weren’t you just drunk and sloppy?”

Melinda huffed again. “I was tired of drinking and wanted you.”

“So, you pretended you were drunk?”

Melinda smirked. “Did you really think three bottles of cheap wine would get me that drunk.”

“Nice try, Agent May. Prove it!”

Melinda sighed as she shifted in her seat to take out the small pocket-knife she kept in her leather jacket. She twisted it between her fingers without even looking at the blade for three minutes while glaring at Coulson.

“Okay, you’re not drunk.”

“And you just ruined the whole mood.”

“I don’t sleep with intoxicated people.”

Melinda rolled her eyes. Coulson could tell she was looking at him with the tail of her left eye even thought she was pretending to look straight ahead.

“Oh fuck!” Coulson gripped the wheel so that he didn’t slam on the breaks when Melinda’s hand squeezed the bulge between his legs.

“Now will you let me have my fun? It’s my night off after all.”

Coulson took advantage of another red light to lean his head against his seat and take a deep breath. He kept gripping the wheel while Melinda took his throbbing cock out of his pants and pumped quickly.

“Mmmm.” She rubbed the tip all over her lips.

Coulson looked down, panting. “Fuck, Mel.”

The car behind them honked.

Melinda snorted as her mouth hovered over his tip. “Eyes on the road, Coulson.”

The car slowed down when Melinda swallowed the shaft, her lips touching his balls before she gagged and had to pull up. Coulson had to pull over into a parking spot to avoid an accident. Melinda sat back in her seat and smirked.

“Fuck!” He wrapped his hand around his shaft and stroked a few times. “You’re stopping now?”

She raised her eyebrow at him. “I’m suddenly sleepy and I thought you didn’t sleep with intoxicated people?”

Coulson groaned as he tucked himself in. “This is payback for something I did and can’t remember, isn’t it?”

Melinda just smirked. She took his right hand and laced her fingers with his as they drove toward the Playground.


End file.
